Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
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