What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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