i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize