I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
