So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
