no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
