Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
