What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize