There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
