Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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