If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
