Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
