Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I wear drunk well.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
