she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
