This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
