if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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