i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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