I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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