Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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