dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
zippers are such a cool invention
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
