obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
