CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
