i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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