Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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