i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
