In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize