she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
barbara walters just said penis...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
