If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I need to calm my uterus...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
