he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
