I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
