Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize