So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
