i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We had sex on a dog bed..
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize