There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
