I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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