Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize