Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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