Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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