Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
