this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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