i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
