I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize