Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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