it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
