hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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