i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
