I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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