why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
