It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
