i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
