So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
