The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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