Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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