Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
