from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you will always have a special place in my vag
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
