If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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