i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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