I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
