census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
