Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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