It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
