Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
