Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
When are your genitals available?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize