Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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