I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
