I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
