sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
