im drinking this country out of the recession.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
