New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
