bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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