Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
