I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
