He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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