I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
