it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
