3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
