Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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