...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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