After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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