I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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