You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
