You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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