She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
