He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
