Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
