her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I am one with the molecules
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
