24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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