He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
