i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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