im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
