She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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