VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
