I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Me too!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
