She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
