clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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