I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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