I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
