If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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