just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
