I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize