I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
