Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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