Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
