Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
