if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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