it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
