im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
