I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
